An Authentic, Sometimes Gritty, and Always Hopeful Blog for All Who Live with Severe Physical Pain

Monday, September 12, 2011

Some Wounds Do Not Heal

My husband, Warren, and I, like many Americans, participated in a 9-11 remembrance event yesterday.  We attended a musical symphony event, accompanied by two choirs, one being from our church.

 The music was a poignant mixture of the sad and the sweet, reminding us of both the tragedy and the heroism of the day.

It was good to mark this day.  Yet, in the faces around me, I could see that there is a wound that will never fully heal.

Several years ago, a friend’s 16-year old daughter, was killed in a car accident, coming home from school one crisp fall afternoon.  A few months later, my friend said to me, “I had this crazy notion that my family lived within a bubble of protection.”  She expressed what I think many Americans felt about our country before 9-11; we believed we had a bubble of protection over our country.  She went on to say, “Now that Laura is gone, that bubble has burst.  I don’t know if I will ever feel like anyone in my family is really safe ever again.”  My friend, too, has a wound that will never fully heal. 

Before I became ill, I believed I had a bubble around me as well--a crazy notion that I would be protected from illness up until a ripe old age.  After all, I have a grandmother who lives a very active life at the age of 98, and my family has suffered very little illness.  When I became ill at the age of 48, that bubble burst.  Through the months that followed, I slowly came to realize my life would likely be lived with pain as my constant companion always.  This is a wound that will never fully heal.  Many of you reading will relate.

God knows about our bubbles and our wounds.  We may never understand with our earthly minds why He stays some intended acts of evil, or prevents some accidents and illnesses, and allows others to proceed.  We hopefully may come to a place in our faith where we are able to acknowledge that the complexities of His omniscience,  and His will, are far beyond our understanding.  We may even be able to live out our lives unplagued by fear.  I hope this blog demonstrates some of that. 

However, we may have some wounds that do not heal.  The pain is too much..too deep... too life-changing.  For me, even in this, there is a gift, twisted though it may be.  My soul has become rather easy to please.   I enjoy simple pleasures that most others overlook....a remarkable thunderstorm… the play of sunlight and shadow on the wall... the smell of coffee (one of the few smells that still remains for me, having mysteriously lost most of my sense of smell).  I know just when the chimney swifts arrive and when they leave; same with the hummingbirds.  Beauty and life all around me, never before appreciated when my days seemed guaranteed and nothing hurt.  I have found that the combination of all of these “little things” goes a long ways to giving me strength to bear the "lot" of pain.

Blessings and life to you, always. 

Judi

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change,
though the mountains shake in the heart of the sea;
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble with its tumult. 
--Psalm 46-13 (NRSV)

4 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for your writings. They inspire me to seek out others who are afflicted with constant pain. Bless you for the work you do!

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  2. I am glad they inspire you to help others! People who live with pain are often overlooked, as our pain may keep us from being active in social, community and church activities. Yet, we have much to offer when we are sought out, particularly if attempts are made to accommodate for our pain. For example, arranging for seating that is most comfortable for us, or reducing sound or noise that may set off our pain.

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  3. Judi, I'm glad I saw your comment on facebook about your blog. I went back and read the blogs that I have missed. Each one spoke to my heart and blessed my soul! Thank you for your ministry to those of us who live with pain. May God continue to bless you for His glory.

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  4. Ginigirl- It is my desire that the pain with which I live, count for good...and although, I desire to minister for Christ's sake, even if I never receive "kudos", they sure do help to encourage and re-energize me! Thank you! I am praying for you in whatever circumstances you journey, as I press the send button...

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