An Authentic, Sometimes Gritty, and Always Hopeful Blog for All Who Live with Severe Physical Pain

Saturday, March 17, 2012

"Why Didn't God Send me To Dr Carson in the First Place?" Miracles, Continued...


Do I look a bit awkward to be standing this close to Dr. Carson??
When I shared my story of how God led us to Dr. Carson through the divine meeting in my post of March 9th, some expressed frustration about it, rather than joy.  They asked, as many have asked me, "Why, if God is so loving and good, didn't He see to it that you were treated by Dr. Carson in the first place, so that you would not be in the mess you are in now?" 

It’s a good question. And, it's one I don't have the answer to, and will not most likely, until God tells me why when my time on earth is finished. However, I've (surprisingly) not wasted much time worrying about it.  I've learned, simply by living life,  that I'm not God and that's a good thing. He does  (or doesn’t do what he does not do) for His own reasons.  


"What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no mind has conceived the things that God has prepared for those who love him."  (1st Corinthians 2:9)


 I still become sad, anxious, and even angry about situations over which I can't and don't understand.  I wrestle with God for short periods of times, yes.  But,  I “get” that there’s no reason to question “why”.

Instead, what I've found is that God does have good plans for me.  He gives me gifts and wonders along the way--proof that He is present in my life and at work for my good.

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"Miracles  Continued" from last time...
      
Dr. Carson, as I said in my last post, is world famous.  He is consistently ranked among the best of the best neurosurgeons in the world.  A movie has been done on his life.  In many schools, his book Gifted Hands is required reading.  When my husband, Warren, and I were called in for our appointment, we expected to be seen by his physician's assistant, and for this great man to show up for maybe five minutes or so.  After meeting with his PA--who amazed us by spending almost two hours with us and was the first medical  person who showed true concern for me as a whole person-- Dr. Carson joined us.  I was awestruck by the quiet grace of his posture when he entered the room, sitting down silently, without interrupting our conversation.  Surgeons, are known by their “Type A” personalities, and rather arrogant natures. (My apologies to any reading this post.) Neurosurgeons are known to be even more so--for you have to have a high dose of ego to cut open people’s heads and toy with their brains, don’t you?

When his PA introduced Dr.Carson to us and gave him her summary of my case, he asked me some more questions, in a quiet, unhurried voice.  Despite the vast number of patients in his care, Dr. Carson acted as though we were the only priority of his day. 

At one point, I looked at my watch,  feeling guilty when I realized how long he had been with us.  I began to apologize, "Unlike the children you treat, I have already lived a full live. (Dr, Carson is the Director of Pediatric Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins, but also treats adults who have my condition, trigeminal neuralgia. You can read a brief description of TN on the "About Me" tab of this blog.) " I’m 48. I’ve already seen two of my three children off to college.  Maybe there is nothing else that can be done, and this is the best I can expect to live and to feel.”    

He looked at me with such compassion, that I began to cry.  Through tears, I continued,  It’s just that this pain is so…terrible. And at one time I thought God had healed me when I went into remission…but then the pain came back and that first surgery wound up making the pain so much worse.”

Dr. Carson responded, by leaning his slender frame across the table, and placing one of his overly-scrubbed surgeon’s hands across my arm in one graceful movement, as he spoke gently to me, “Perhaps God still has more miracles left for you, Judi.” 

Indeed, God has provided more miracles in this journey.

Dr. Carson has been one of them.  His surgeries (he’s performed two brain surgeries on me) have helped greatly with the lightning-like strikes of pain.  He has prayed with us before surgeries, and each time we have seen him he has given credit to God for his gift of surgical skills. (As he says, "God is the glove, into which he places his hand".)

Dr. Carson reminds me, of what I want to remind you.  God is the great physician, who heals all our diseases (Psalm 103:3).  I will be healed, either in this life or the next.  As will you, my friend and sojourner, if you will allow the one who came to bring you healing to give you the freedom to live with hope.  Jesus is his name.  (You can read more about my faith--check out  my labels:  “My faith”, “salvation”, “Light of Jesus”)

Expecting miracles,

Judi

3 comments:

  1. Judi-
    I sat here and began reading your blog and I swear to you, everything around me became so Silent-and it helped me to allow this loving message, filled with the Grace of God to soak into my heart. Without doubt, God led you to this amazing Doctor and I believe he will be in your life from now on.

    His own personal spiritual belief is filled with inspiration and to know he treated you with such compassion and love. My heart is thrilled to know this "Surgeon blessed by God" is with you now and will do all he can to help you.

    Over the years I have been amazed to watch a doctor react when I ask them "Are you a Praying Person?" One of two things happen-there is either a moment of awkward silence with No answer from the doctor, or the doctor suddenly understands the full meaning behind my question, stops everything they are doing and tells me with a open heart "Yes, I do pray over my Patients and in my own life!"

    Thank you for sharing this moving experience and telling us all about this wonderful doctor. My prayers go with you and I know God is watching over both of you!

    Bless you for being the wonderful woman you are.

    Martha

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  2. Judi, to have been on the receiving end of such a sompassionate, God-honoring surgeon is a mighty blessing! My experiences with the medical profession here in NY are the total opposite. I can't imagine having had these experiences with Dr. Carson.

    I stand with you, in faith that God is God Who Heals. If I did not have that faith to believe, I'd be looking for that river we spoke about.

    Thank you for sharing Dr. Carson with us. Thank you for sharing your faith with us. Thank you for sharing your pain with us. I'm truly sorry that you are suffering. Truly. But, The LORD just gently reminded me that if you were already healed, if Martha were already healed, I wouldn't have had you to gleen from, to gain strength from. God causes ALL things to work together for good for those who love Him and I am blessed - as you are with Dr. Carson - to have you, Judi S. Coleman in my life.

    Until we are pain-free, we hold hands through this journey. God bless you!

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