An Authentic, Sometimes Gritty, and Always Hopeful Blog for All Who Live with Severe Physical Pain

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

What People With Pain Disorders Want You to Know

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What People With Pain Disorders
Want You to Know

Please acknowledge that we are ill, but don’t press us for a full reportRather than asking the standard, “How are you?” question, try, “It’s good to see you here,” If you really want to engage with us, ask, “What is this like for you?” 

…Please avoid platitudes such as, “God never gives you more than you can stand.”  We probably don’t want to admit it, but we may think God is giving us more than we can stand!  Saying this to us is likely to hurt our faith, and in general, isn’t helpful. 

  …Please, don’t try to “fix this” for us.  We don’t need you to fix it.  We need you to care about us and let us know we are loved by you.

…Please don’t feel discouraged if we don’t become completely “well.”  We are doing what we can to walk out this journey with pain, with all its ups and downs. We can’t say where it is headed, and need you to help us be patient through it all. If you become discouraged, we are likely to as well. 

…Please stay in touch with us!  Send us a note, text, an email, or call us.  We may not be around as much, but we want to stay in touch with you. 

…Please don’t overlook our family members.  Sometimes we get all the attention, whereas, they get very little. The pressures on them are huge; they need support as much as we do. 

…Please help us in practical ways.  Rather than say, “Please let me know what I can do to help you,” offer specific support based upon your own gifts and time allowances.  

…Please invite us to events and things even though we are ill.  We have limited energy, but most of us still can get out and do things—we simply must plan carefully.  You will really bless us, if you tell us that you will understand, should we need to cancel at the last moment.  It will doubly bless us if you ask what kind of things might we need to be accommodated at the event.  

…Please tell us about your life, so that everything is not about our pain.  This includes telling us of your own challenges! Many believe they can’t do so because “they have nothing compared to us”.   We believe we do not have the monopoly on difficult circumstances; we care about what you are going through, and want to help you where we can.

Mostly, thank you, beyond words...
for being in our lives.

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A Note to Judi's Readers: 
Judi has been unable to attend to this blog due to family needs and illness struggles.  She will still respond to any comments and contact emails.  It is unknown when she will be able to return, however, Judi says you are always in her thoughts and prayers. 
 Never, ever, ever give up! 


  1. Judi--
    Amazing to get your post---because just today I was thinking about you... Your post is "spot-on" and to the point. It would be so nice to say these things to folks~~but not always that easy..

    I have been seriously ill----into my 2nd month of confinement here at home. Came down with VIral Meningitis and it truly flattened me horribly.. Two extra runs back to the ER room after a 3 day hospital stay. Doctors tell me it will take months for me to regain all of my strength... My dear Matt stayed with me all the time at the hospital--we had a lovely private room that gave us a place for him to get some rest... It was scary--I have very little memory of all that happened and one thing I want to share with you is this---on the evening of me getting ill--I sat down--still feeling okay and suddenly spoke this out loud--

    "Lord, I have not been sick in a very long time and I am thankful for that! But Lord, if I were to get sick, PLEASE be there with me and help me come through it!" Honest to goodness--it went that way and just a few hours later, I was being rushed via Ambulance to the hospital.... HE LISTENS.....

    Love you dearly my Friend. martha

  2. Thanks, Max. I am afraid my health has prevented me from continuing this blog, and it is a good feeling to know that people still find help through it!

  3. The muscular pains and joint pains are very pain-full for a normal person it also reduce the efficiency of a man to do work to get rid of the pains the Physiotherapy North Ryde is best and it also cure the pains in very low cost instead of using costly medicines.

  4. This part is the most important part because it helps to deal with them in order to get an effective result. Coaching

    1. You are right about this Ella. I wish you well in your own journey.