An Authentic, Sometimes Gritty, and Always Hopeful Blog for All Who Live with Severe Physical Pain

Why This Blog?

About this Blog:

authored by Judi S. Coleman

There are thousands of people, whom God has allowed for reasons I couldn’t begin to image, to live with horrific pain.  

I am one of them.  

Pain entered my life early in the morning of September 5, 2005, while I was simply taking a sip of a cup of coffee. It appeared without warning, like a clap of thunder on a cloudless day, feeling as though a bolt of lightning had struck my face

This blog draws its life from my journey living with daily, hourly, moment-by-moment pain, despite all kinds of treatments, medications, and three brain surgeries. I have what is known within the medical community as "the worst pain the world," a disease called "Trigeminal Neuralgia"* that causes horrific facial pain. ( Well, that was my original diagnosis--it has changed over time.)

When I finally found a doctor who was able to diagnose me, he turned to me and said, "Judi, I think I know what you have, but it isn't good."  When I looked up at him, I saw a glisten of tears in his eyes and I knew I was in big trouble.

When I could swallow down the lump in my throat,  I asked what I knew I must,  "Is it fatal?"

His answer changed me; as though in an instant all my cells became rearranged.  He said, "No, but you might wish that it was."

The pain I live with is severe.  I have prayed that God would take me to Heaven more than a dozen...more like a hundred times.  Once I came very close to ending my life myself--  -you can read about that in my post, "Suicide, Considered."  I write this blog, however, to provide you with an honest and intimate portrayal of a life lived with severe physical pain that God has chosen by his divine authority to not heal. (Not yet anyway... I believe I will be fully healed someday, either on this earth or in heaven.)  God has, however, brought healing in many ways to my life, from the inside out, and I praise him for the work he has done in me and through me because of pain.

My greatest wish is to give a voice to those whose voices are quieted by pain, and to provide comfort and encouragement to the hurting and their loved ones.  My posts are not always easy to read, because pain isn't pretty.  I am not always faithful or "good" and I don't try to portray myself as someone I am not--a person whose faith never wavers.  Mine does - a lot. 

When I felt prodded to  develop this blog, it was to be honest and real about the difficulty of the struggle, while also being honest about how the Lord continues to take care of me, giving me hope and courage to continue, and to help others do the same. 

Just as the bible says: 

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 
who comforts us in all our troubles 
so that we can comfort those in any trouble 
with the comfort we have received from God. 
 For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, 
so also through Christ our comfort overflows."

2 Corinthians 2: 3 - 5

I’m Available for You:

I am also available for one-on-one support and advocacy for you and/your family to help you with ideas for better pain management and planning; as well as to minister to you.  You can contact me through the tab along the top of my site. 

In addition, I love to speak about my journey, at women’s conferences and anywhere else I can encourage people how to find purpose and joy despite suffering.   Again, you can contact me through this site!

I hope you will visit my blog often.  

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        *About My Pain - Trigeminal Neuralgia                          

Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) is a form of severe facial pain caused by an impairment of the "trigeminal" nerve, one of the cranial nerves that sits in the middle of our brains, and controls  facial sensations.  A few doctors with whom I consulted conjecture that mine occurred as the result of a virus I picked up while vacationing in Jamaica in 2005, that traveled to my brain and settled in my trigeminal nerve, wreaking havoc there.  My nerve now misfires, so that mild touches and pressure changes (such as storms, flying in airplanes) feel to me like strong electric shocks, coal-hot burns, or as though my face is being cut open with a knife.   TN is not curable, however, various treatments exist.  I have tried many medications, mainstream and alternative therapies, along with four neuro-surgeries, including two serious brain surgeries, and one non-invasive brain surgery.  Some treatments I have undergone have helped, others have had no effects, and still others have had negative effects.